It's just a theory,

BFF's

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, that looks upon tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come; love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ nor man ever loved.

William Shakespeare Sonnet #116

This is my favorite of all Shakespeare's sonnets because it speaks to my heart about the true nature of love. Whether by design or accident I have been watching a lot of movies about relationships in crisis lately. The characters seem to come to the same conclusion that Shakespeare did, that real love lasts through any crisis when the two people involved in the relationship both choose it. Love is not something you happen to have, if you're lucky. It's not something you lose because it's time was up. It's not something you have or you don't. Love is something you do. Which means it is absolutely, 100% a choice you make, every day, if necessary. Loving someone doesn't mean that they or you will be perfect, that you will always agree or that you will always be exciting and new to each other. It does mean that you vow to put that person's needs above your own, that you forgive them their shortcomings and that you celebrate their strengths.

The longer I am married (almost 13 years), the better I understand the word charity, which we often think of as giving to others who have very little without thought of returning the favor. Maybe we should consider that idea when we deal with our dearest loved ones. We are not giving them love because we expect it in return, but because we see their need for it and we have it to give. Paul describes charity in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." We can gain a different perspective on those verses when we take out "charity" and insert "The love I have for my spouse...".

Unfortunately, in the course of human events, human mistakes happen. We open ourselves to heartache the minute we choose to love someone. This is the great test of our mettle. To choose to love someone without reservation when they are choosing to be unloveable is difficult, at best. Fortunately, the scriptures also teach us that if we will love as Christ without thought for ourselves, we will be rewarded beyond that which we have "lost". Luke 6:36-38 says it best, in my opinion, "Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive and ye shall be forgiven. Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again. That is God's promise to us. It is sometimes hard to see the fulfillment of it in our society of immediate gratification and instant justice, but I know it's real. Thankfully, it's not just for us but for our spouse as well when they have to put up with our nonsense. We are all of us flawed, aren't we? and in need of mercy? How much more so is the person to whom we have made sacred promises to?

Don't ask why I am on this kick. I think I am tired of seeing so many statistics about divorce in America. I know marriage is not easy, but I do know how important marriage is to our society, our psyche, and to our Heavenly Father. It was so important he had prophets and apostles write at length on how to do it. I also know that when we choose, and the operative word here is CHOOSE, to love unconditionally we receive more in return than we could hope for. We get to live without bitterness or resentment. We teach our children how to love and forgive as well (teaching our children forgiveness, so that they will forgive us the inevitable mistakes we will make, that deserves a post all on it's own!). We can have confidence that even if someone else's choices hurt us, that we don't have to react in kind.

This is a quote from one of those movies I have been watching, Chaos Theory. I think this sums it up nicely!-

Ever heard of chaos theory, Ed? It's a science, tries to determine underlying patterns in chaotic systems like weather, ocean currents, blood flow sort of things. But it turns out that are few things more chaotic than the beat of a human heart. Its beating up, slowing down. Pretty face, flight of stairs. It's always changing on what's happening to ourselves out there. It's an erratic son of a b*&^%. But underneath all of that bump-da-bump mess, there is in fact a pattern, the truth, and it's love. Most important thing about love is that we choose to give it, and we choose to receive it. Making it the least random act in the entire universe. It transcends blood, it transcends betrayal and all the dirt and makes us human.